Last week my therapist said, “You know Alyssa, your children’s children will be the first generation to really get to experience the benefit of the work that you and your husband are doing to break generational trauma.” Our children will get to see the messy parts of it. They get to see the hard parts of breaking old patterns, the learning to apologize, the acknowledging of feelings without avoidance or masking. Our children get to see us fight against the current of hold habits. Of course, they will get to reap the benefits of it. They will receive on the job training on how to implement boundaries, hold them, and care for themselves while doing it. They will see a marriage built on honor, communication, faith and never ending grace. However, their children, they will walk onto the earth and into families where the entire soil has been completely turned over. Fresh, nutrient rich soil that is ripe for planting and producing. That is what my husband and I think of when we hear about leaving an inheritance. That is legacy.
I have always loved when the year turns over to a new one. The idea of a “fresh start” is tangible. There is a mark on the calendar that says, “Okay, let’s leave this behind and increase in value.” You watch the number roll into a higher value. You are one year older. The cycle of the seasons starts all over again. Nature sleeps, so that it can be awakened. I love setting intentions for the new year. I don’t like resolutions because resolutions are so… resolute. They are so final, so determined, resolved. Resolutions aren’t reflective of life or nature in that they are static, not dynamic. Life changes, sometimes minute by minute. In fact, the only resolute thing about life is that it is totally dynamic. Intentions though, they’re something you have to work to achieve. Intentions require you to set your mind on them for a purpose. Intentions can be flexible. They move and sway with what life gives. What intentions will you set this year?
We’ve got some intentions for this new year. Many involve breaking those generational parenting habits. We want to give them more choice. We want to honor their feelings towards situations and people. We’d like to teach them how to communicate those feelings in a way that respects both parties involved. We want them to feel empowered in their identity in Christ. We want to remind them that they bear the image of God, and that the best way to steward that is to be authentically who God created them to be.
I want those things for myself too.
This past year was one of the most difficult years of my life. It sounds really dramatic, I know. There was so much good that happened this year. We moved into a home we love, in a neighborhood and town we love. We leveled up in a lot of real, important areas. My marriage is stronger. My kids are healthy. We are all healthy. Nevertheless, this year put me right in the middle of who I once was, and who I wanted (and knew God) wanted me to be. It put me in situations that required me to rely on the Lord, wield scripture and prayer as weapons, and to utilize every single tool I’d ever learned in therapy just to survive. I know everyone in my circle agrees that this past year taught us how to survive, and to let survival be enough. In the midst of survival though, the Lord taught me how to respond, rather than to react. There have been so many moments in 2023 that required me to stay silent. I had to stay silent in order to care for people that I love deeply. I had to stay silent for the protection of those who tried to attack us out of confusion, manipulation, or the result of their own hurt. I had to stay silent in waiting for the Lord to defend. I had to stay silent so the Lord could take my head knowledge and turn it into heart knowledge. This is the second, and by far longest season that the Lord has shut me up to teach me how to communicate better.
I am grateful for it.
In the year to come though, it’s time to respond. Respond in forgiveness, in grace. Respond in love. Respond in that authority that comes from knowing who I am in Christ. Not a false pride or entitlement, but a unique type of humility that comes from knowing that grace alone saves me and not any people pleasing or defending on my part. Really, I just intend to respond. Period. I will not wait to tell others when they’ve hurt me or my family. I will not hide, run away, or Jonah my way out of situations that are clearly meant to produce a particular type of glory. I will not wait to tell someone that I love them, that their relationship with me is important enough for me to communicate clearly. I will respond in a way that honors what God is doing in my life, and what God is doing in someone else’s life. There were times that my silence was self induced and caused more harm to myself and others. I don’t intend for that to happen anymore. I won’t be perfect, but I will be intentional. I’m getting my voice back, and I intend to use it for good even when it feels uncomfortable.
That is a legacy I hope to leave my children’s children, and I intend on starting this new year. If you’re breaking generational curses and trauma this year take heart! You are not alone!